Your Stories
We created this page for you to leave your story about how you suffered through different types of workplace mobbing, bullying, harassment or verbal abuse in the past or may be going through right now.
Leave your brief story in the comments box at the bottom of this page and please, we don’t need the names of the abusers or the company.
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During a conversation between my male manager and myself, he tells me that “there’s no need to become emotional”!
This statement… Made me angry, the more I thought about it!
We were discussing why he overrid my decision about one of my associates who is also male. I told my manager, that he does not know the needs of my department (we are a specialy state licensed department) that he should have discussed things with me before approving what was already denied. That this person had lied to him to get what he wanted. I asked him how many times, has this person ever come to him for anything? This associate is a man who does not like to be questioned on something that he has done or not done. He talks trash about me, and his coworkers. He call others at the other locations and bad mouths us to them. People at the other locations as well as his coworkers are afraid of this man.
I believe my associate is a bully! What can I do?
Dear Susan,
Thanks for your story. It kind of reminds me of the kid who goes from parent to parent to get their own way, but lieing to one parent to get what they want.
There are very strong bullying behaviors being demonstrated by your associate and the first thing I suggest is that you document everything that is said, when it’s said, who was present when it was said and any other information you can add to it. Having documentation is critical to prove to higher management that bullying and abuse is taking place and how often it’s taking place. The next thing you could try is to get your manager and his boss along with you, together for a discussion on how to handle these types of situations and basically go over how the chain of command is followed. Keep this meeting very professional, no emotion, just the truth and facts. Unfortunately there are too many cases of this type of bullying going on and until there is a law passed making it illegal and punishable by law or the organization makes their own policies and procedures concerning bullying and abuse, and follows them, this will always take place, I’m afraid. Keep in mind, none of this is your fault. I can’t stress that enough.
Be well and feel free to come back and post more if you’d like. If you have success in dealing with this situation, please let others, and myself know how you did it. You just might save the life of someone else.
Warmly,
Judith
Bullied again by my job HR doing!? What do you thihk! I have worked for the City as a civilian for over 10 years, in the PD. I was Bullied the last three years by a couple of co-workers who claimed I said “YOU PEOPLE,” yet I was threatened to be “F***ed UP” and Slapped in the face by this woman. The Department I was in, PD, felt, “You People,” was the crime not her threats even though I never said those two words. I was also pregnant during this time, my co-workers made comments towards me like, “God has a name for children like yours!” All while in the presence of my supervisor. I was even told by one supervisor that he hated me and everyone hated me when he took me in a conference room to have a talk to me about another petty complaint. An Anti Bully advocate for the City came to my rescue and has been trying to help me out. She expressed to HR to know avail and the City Manager how hard this has taken a hit on me. HR moved me from the PD, placed me in their department and did a “fake” investigation on the officers who were bullying me. I was then transfer to a fitness facility where I checked in members I.D and placed them in a box, cleaned workout equipment, pass out basketballs and breakdown and put up chairs and my job is “Administrative.” The new supervisor they put me under was a known bully and had complaints against her in HR. During the first week i was there she belittled me called me slow and would constantly tap hard on my shoulder over and over and lean over me till my eyes fully met hers. I had to give her the attention she demanded or she would flip out. She bragged about one of her friends a part time employee who was employeed there at the same time i was getting my old job at the PD. Then she asked me about the bullying problems there which i didnt want to speak of. She continued to treat me poorly in front of others co-workers and patrons and i asked her politely after dismissing myself to the restroom one day if she would not do that to me that i didnt appretiate it. At this point it got worse. Later on in the week i got an urgent call from the hospital about my daughter, on voicemail, i freaked out. I started tearing up, i didnt know what was going on and i couldnt reach my family who was watching her or the hospital. Then two months later my aunt died of Cancer. Second on in a year. My mother called me at work to tell me. Three days go by, i am having a great day. I am heading to the restroom, i tell a coworker, my supervisor then desided to call my phone. Then radios me for my location. I tell her i am going to the restroom, she then tells me to call her when i get out. (which a sarcastic tone) I comply. I get out of the restroom and she tells me to come to her office. When i get in there she confront me out going to the restroom and stated that she was calling me and the phone was just ringing ringing ringing. (it wasnt) then she tells me the importance of answering the phone and that there is a night call button. Then she asked me if i was feeling ok. Then she tells me that she was informed that i had an incident the other day. I told her that I did have a headache one day last week. Which I think was the day she was quesetioning me about. Then she stated that if i was sick i need to excuse myself and then she started making fake barfing soundings. Then She stated that is there anything else wrong, we cant be having these meltdowns, meltdowns, meltdowns with you. And we seem to be having a lot of instances like that with you. At that point i felt it best to walk out. She was sarcastic and smiling from ear to ear. A while later she walks out and tells me she is going downtown and to let her know if anyone calls for her. I told her ok and I asked her if she would stop saying that i am having meltdown, meltdowns, meltdowns (especially in front of people or patrons) she said no…and i told her i didnt think it was a nice thing to say and she stated it was a lighter word for what it really was and then I told her it bothers me, I told you that the first time you said it. I told her nuclear plants have meltdowns not people, she stated yes they do and you do all the time, while smiling ear to ear and afirming her head up and down. I then said no they dont. At this point she screamed at me to “SHUT UP.” I was taken back i told her i will not and she then turned around walked away and stated ill talk to you later. The next thing i know i am getting a counseling letter with a huge fabricated story, she stated that she felt threatens that i told her to get out of my face…and the language she stated i used is sooooo street which is how she talks not me. And i have to go to a City doctor today to see if i am FIT FOR DUTY-EVALUATION….oh and here is the kicker….my supervisor sent me a threatening text message stating “Get out of the d*mn bathroom, get my water noww. open ur mouth agin to me n i’m gonna bust my fist in it.” Yet she is free and clear and I am being sent to be evaluate for “meltdowns” and she stated that oh i meant to send that text to someone else and the hire ups are telling me it was a mistake too. Which is BS. Any advice anyone…?? Im tired of being bullied & pushed out of a job, i am a single mother who does not deserve this….
Bullies are cowards at heart. They are the predators that seek out the weakest member of the herd and wait until that individual is alone and even more helpless.
3 years ago I left my job, because two of my coworkers were throwing away papers and information that I had left for my boss. I would put it in the bosses’ In Box and within 20-30 minutes it was gone. This was particularily traumatic because the culprit was my sick stepdaughter. They eventually took my timesheets and it cost me my final paycheck. My boss never even asked about it because she was so busy covering for them having believed all of their lies and I really don’t know what all was said.
This was a job I really loved and initially Pat had suggested that she would like me to be the nurse for the company to the end of it’s days. After I quit, I had surgery and was pretty much out of commission for the next 4 months, and because my stepdaughter was the culprit, I decided to let it drop. She did not drop anything though as she went on and on about what she perceived me to have done. My husband knew that she was lying – eventually.
A couple of years later. Pat fired this stepdaughter – and asked me to come back. Since this was a position that I truly enjoyed I agreed to it.
It has started up again. This time, the office manager, who can act like a great person when the boss is around is a total tyrant when she is not around. Most recently my husband’s mother died. The group sent the usual card. The next day another coworker’s mother died. The group sent the usual card. One week later, the office manager got everyone together and decided to send the coworker flowers – even asked for my share to pay for them – and totally disregarded my recent loss. I didn’t get any explanation, just the bill.
My question is, given that my boss does not really know the full circumstances, should I let her know? I want to, but like before it might take her years to figure it out.
By the by, this is a medical establishment in Minnesota, just an FYI, for those of you who think that medicine is so great in Minnesota. A rule of thumb here, is that Minnesota Nurses eat their young. Tragically I have seen some of the worst nurses ever produced are educated right here in Minnesota.
My supervisor told all the nurses that anyone who was educated in this country was stupid because she could recite the periodic table. The medical director asked my patients if they wanted a black nurse with me standing there. The chaplain told me that I needed to get with the program and change my religion. And the social worker who was from Somalia told me that I was a fat obnoxious Republican and white women don’t need to eat. I was the oldest and only white Catholic employee of this national hospice. I am a former military officer and I am but never told anyone I am a Republican.
I was verbally abused by a co-worker and called very vulgar names in the presence of other co-workers and this was done because I had done well in my job by securing some significant business for the company. I complained to my boss and requested a meeting with the employee and he very adamantly rejected my request to have a meeting with the employee to corroborate my complaint and to work things out. He also behaved very inappropriately with this employee in front of the staff and the same co-worker would spend hours in his office behind closed doors. After I complained to him about the continued verbal harassment by this employee, my boss began sending threatening and humiliating emails to me. The cyber bulling continued so much that it adversely affected my health. The harassment was so painful that I changed from being very confident and successful in my work to being fearful and depressed all the time. As my boss’s position was higher than that of the HR Manager, a complaint to HR would not be worthwhile so I quit my job. I had lots of documentation and written evidence acknowledging verbal and cyber bullying from my boss and co-worker, but the adverse effects to my health was not worth pursuing a law suit. Although leaving the job put a financial strain on my family, it turned my life around mentally and physically and it has brought a lot of sunshine to the lives of my family and me. We don’t have conversations of the bullying I suffered at work any more. For anyone who thinks that they can’t leave a workplace harassment situation because of economic reasons, please think of it like marriage where you are being physically abused and you have to put yourself first and get out. Websites like this one are a great outlet and make sure to tell everyone about the bully.
Thank you for validating what targets go through. I look forward to the day we aren’t blamed for our predicament. I’m being mobbed by a bully boss and co-worker. First, they made up lies about my performance to take away all of my duties except menial tasks. They have mocked, isolated, and restricted my access to tools I need for the job. I have been physically intimidated by them and my boss is now humiliating me by making me report to my co-workers when I use the bathroom. She is a snake who does her dirty work in secret and has “impression-managed” me behind my back to other staff to lead them to believe I am a problem employee. She hasn’t written me up; she’d rather harrass me to the point of quitting than fire me. I’ve hung on for years because I need the income and benefits. My confidence is at an all-time low. I seek out support in the self-help community only to be told I “allow the bully to get to me” or that I am doing something to trigger this behavior. These people haven’t been terrorized at work or else they were able to find new jobs before the situation deteriorated. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. I don’t want sympathy, I just want the “blame the victim” mentality to stop.
I work as an English teacher overseas. I started working at a private school along with another American woman and we both received cold-shoulder treatment from the other women in the department. Before our working there there were no Westerners/Americans working in that school. The other English teachers did not like us being there and we get the message everyday. The women are very vain and narcissistic. We get excluded from conversations, receive silent-treatments, get passed over and are always the last ones to know anything. The biggest irritant is not having timely and helpful information. The other American teacher complained about not being notified about changes in her classes, but to no avail. They also get together and do things outside of work and don’t invite us, but then they take pictures of it and include it in school videos and present it at the end of the year in their presentations. Or a teacher will interview all the teachers on some subject and make a comedy video about it for the end of the school year and when all watches it we realize that we weren’t included in the school-staff camaraderie. If I join in a conversation between two of the teachers I’m ignored. I ask a lot of questions and get a “I don’t know,” response. No one ever seems to know anything. When I complained that the books for the students were not suited to their level I got instant negative responses from my coworkers and and implication that I didn’t know what I was talking about. It’s difficult because the head of the department is in all of this too. The women act like wannabee beauty queens and so preoccupied with their physical appearance that it makes one working there feel like they are stuck in the movie: Clueless, or in high school with all the prom queens. They are always trying to one-up each other on their dress (which is really inappropriate for school), shoes, accessories. The other American said it’s a way for them to imtimidate women. Anyways, I really dislike the unprofessionalism and the cold-shoulders and delay or lack of pertinent information. I was ready to quit last year, but my husband talked me into finishing my contract and enduring. I resigned this year reluctantly because I don’t want to have to start the job search all over again and I get paid well and like my schedule. But, I fear I may have to find another position because I don’t like being ignored soley on the basis of my being an American. I’ve worked overseas before and never had this kind of experience in my life. Actually, I never even encountered any mobbing or bullying in the workplace in America.
Baffled in Buffalo,
In order for bad treatment to be considered bullying or mobbing, the treatment normally lasts for a long period of time, say weeks or months and the outcome of that treatment or abuse causes physical, psychological and emotional trauma to the victim. The victim ends up with illnesses such as ulcers, anxiety attacks over going to meetings or going to work where they know they will have to deal with the bully. This treatment can come from a boss, supervisor or a co-worker.
If you know this person fairly well and this is new behavior for them, chances are it’s not bullying. My guess would be that there is a problem at home, or upper management is putting pressure on this person. You might want to quietly let this person know that you care and are willing to listen.
Good luck and God Bless
When can you tell if what you are experiencing is bullying or just someone having a bad day? I’m not sure and today I was being yelled at by my normally mellow boss. I was really taken back by his behavior towards me.
I look forward to your answer
Baffled in Buffalo
I work as a teacher and I was accused of slapping a child. Nobody called me and asked me. The principal called the district police and started the investigation. There was a video about it and it did not show any abuse from me to a child. I was cleared of the accusation because the mother did not press charges. When I was asked to write a statement I wrote down I did not touch the child because I wanted to be over. They saw the video and established that I touched the child and I received a memo with copy to HR that I was an untruthful person because I touched the child and it showed in the video. The mother later told me that indeed I touched her child on his shoulders to call his attention. That was one of the incidents. The other was that I talked to parents about their child having poor hygiene and to help me with this matter. The principal was interested in how the parents felt and it was irrelevant whatever I had to say. Again I receive another memo saying that my comments were negative and to refrain of calling parents if it the calls did not have a positive reinforcement.
I worked as an Engineer for a larger instrumentation company for about 10 years.
For the first 8 years, things were great: worked for nice, very competent people and loved the work. As an engineer, it is important to be able to interchange ideas and suggest the use of technology – all of which I was able to do. They rewarded me well, with recognition, promotions, increases in pay and bonuses.
Towards the end of my career there, there seemed to be a shift to get some of the engineering work done in Singapore. One of my projects was managed by a Singapore manager.
Quickly it became clear that the people there had limited experience and the stuff designed there simply showed it as it did not not work.
Acting in the interest of the company, I suggested that their people should just visit us in the US for a while. We could train them, help them appreciate some of the finer points of these designs.
That was the start of nastiness: I was told there was nothing wrong with their skill set and those people were promptly promoted – some to levels equal to my level.
Unfortunately, their design issues caused serious problems in product performance. The proof is in the pudding – if it systemically does not work, it needs to be redesigned. I was told to keep quiet about it. “It was reviewed by experts and I wasn’t one”, is what they said.
Of course, how do you design around problems the size of mountains? To this day, that project is not on the market because of the very issues pointed out.
Slowly but surely, they stopped inviting me to project meetings.
I wouldn’t get emails that they yet said they had sent, they’d give me tasks that were simply not my job and would expect them to be done within hours of them getting into my inbox.
My designs were questioned, even after I had gone out of my way to document and describe it. None were every proven inadequate. They’d say that I wasn’t documenting anything, something totally to the contrary. They’d whisper to others that our delivery date couldn’t be made because of problems in my design – yet, when I got wind of the rumor, they could never point out anything concrete that was actually at fault. Specifications and expectations were deliberately vague and never put in writing.
To them known information was held back and pulled out of a hat when convenient, often in public.
After a while of this, I decided to do something ‘not so nice’, actually something quite illegal: one of the perpetrators of this would often check his email on a public PC in one of our labs, one under my control. I made the system log his sessions so I was able to read his emails to and from the people that seemed to always do the accusing Hey, I’m an engineer – stuff like that comes natural – sue me.
(Actually, don’t sue me. That’s why I’m not using my real name.)
It was interesting to read their jokes about me, them talking about the bad skill sets of other team players, second guessing decisions, their plots to keep faults quiet, discussions as to who deserves ‘project shirts’, etc – really petty stuff.
One particular email from the boss in Singapore stood out as it suggested they ‘document my behavior’. They were getting organized so I knew to be on the lookout for a reprimand of sorts and to start looking for another job.
Around December of that year, I had to have surgery to remove a possible cancer in my throat so opted to do get it done before Christmas and recover up into new year since I had two weeks vacation.
They saw me taking two weeks ‘vacation’ as a big negative but I assured everyone that I’d be available to help where needed by means of email. They knew I was going for surgery and some knew what the surgery was for. Sure, it was my ‘vacation’ but you do what it takes to get something to work. The day after my operation, I was using email to get involved with issues, making suggestions, asking questions — all things you’d to as a team member.
My emails were ignored, not acknowledged and they were privately making fun of my ‘long winded’ explanations (still reading over their shoulder).
When I returned back to work, nobody even asked about how I was feeling, whether I was okay, the surgery – nothing.
Two weeks after returning, I was called into a room. The manager tossed a paper across the table and said “I want you to read this, sign it and return it..”.
I read the top half. It was clear that it was a reprimand, totally fabricated by innuendo and half truths – so I tossed it back across the table and said “I don’t need to sign it because I quit”. I had already lined another job up and really was just waiting for the surgery to be over.
All hell broke loose because they didn’t really want to lose me and even tried to get me to stay.
Sorry about the long story but to this day that whole episode affects me. There’s not a day that goes by without thinking about it.
My work was solid, was usually willing to help anyone with their design problems, held presentations on different technologies, tried to keep anyone informed. I’m not necessarily a ‘people’s person’ in that I don’t pussyfoot around but just say what I think – but I don’t think I’m a ball buster or obnoxious. Lots of people there are what I would consider ‘work friends’ and still meet them for lunch occasionally. Lots of people came to my going away lunch. People tend to like me, respect the work done. Why did they try to nail me to the cross like that??
The wondering about the cause is what made this whole thing difficult for me.
I doubted my skills and abilities. For quite a while, I thought it was me that caused the issue. It still absorbs my thoughts – and some are not kind thoughts towards those managers. Not understanding the cause for this would have probably drove me crazy eventually.
This whole mobbing behavior was new to me until just the other day and it has been eye opening.
It really should be made more public as it must be fairly prevalent in the work place.
I can feel your hurt and pain. I wish I had the words to help you through this.