Your Stories

We created this page for your stories about how you suffered through different types of workplace bullying, mobbing, harassment or verbal abuse in the past or may be going through right now.

We can include your story on our website if you like and by sharing, you can release some of the emotional trauma you are experiencing plus you will be helping others that are being bullied right now.

Send your brief story to judith_munson@yahoo.com with “Your Stories” in the subject line. We don’t need to publish your name or the names of the abusers or the company.

This is a public site so please try to keep it clean and not use vulgar language or tasteless  innuendos here.

Thank you for sharing,

Judith

Submitted on 2015/05/14 at 12:58 AM

I would like to share my story to reach out to others who have struggled in the work place.

I raised my 2 children and have lived an honest hard working life, working jobs since age 16.
I never thought I would find myself in my current circumstances.
I am an over age 50 female who has been bullied out of a professional work setting.

I am not alone. As of this writing there are four women outside the organization; four women who continue to work inside. I wish to inform people of the emergence of “Workplace Bullying.” Unfortunately most
people are too frightened to speak up. They need to buy groceries, make mortgage payments, maintain health insurance and raise their children. It is a “silent epidemic.” It is a symptom of the continued “squeeze” on the middle class in America. There are no worker protection measures left in America.

I have been the Target of workplace bullying. I am a healthy individual and have not had the medical symptoms experienced by my former coworkers: vomiting in office wastebasket; migraine headaches; elevated blood pressure; elevated glucose numbers, the list goes on and on. All it took was a single male in a predominantly female workforce to destroy years of team building. Upper management took no action to stop the carnage.
The targets were women over age 45 who were experienced, competent and assertive. Assertive seems to have become a dangerous commodity.

I fervently hope people become aware of workplace bullying and we can work together to end this violation of moral and employment law.

Submitted on 2015/03/06 at 9:23 AM

Hello Judith,

In my workplace I am being blamed by another coworker for writing anonymous letters, putting quotes on PONY envelopes that are sent to her, putting signs on the vending machines.  Anything that happens that affects this other coworker is blamed on me.

My supervisor is a dear person and supports me.  It has been proven that it is not me and this coworker does not believe it.  HR has called me in to discuss all the things that I have been accused of and they are the ones that have proven that it is not me however has not been proven who.  It has now gotten to the point that I fear interacting with this coworker in any way for fear of being blamed for something else.

I no longer submit this persons time sheet because the coworker refuses to give it to me, and if I send work related emails, or scan work related paperwork to this coworker and something is wrong, this coworker immediately goes to my supervisor.

I am doing my job by still sending this person work related material however, this person refuses to interact with me on work related materials.  I am a 56 year old adult and this childish behavior is ridiculous and I don’t know what to do.

Unfortunately we are unionized and hands are tied for disciplinary actions because this person has not done anything to me.  I feel this is wrong.  This person should be told to stop unless there is absolute proof.

Before I walk down the hall I will look for this person and avoid going if that person is present.

I have had to increase medications, etc.

What can I do?

Submitted on 2015/02/17 at 3:57 PM

Hi.
I’m not sure if I have a case or not. I work for a major trucking corporation. I been with the company going on 3 years now. As of late, I’ve been getting pressured a lot into doing things that I don’t feel comfortable doing. My main issue is driving in unsafe weather or going to places where I know that driving conditions may not be the best for tractor trailers. The company says that safety is paramount but doesn’t really practice what they preach.
When I signed on to the account. I was told exactly what I will be doing. I had no problems with it. I feel as if I’m being forced into situations where my employer know that I’m not comfortable with, and I will say no to. Therefore use it to build a case against me or force me to quit. I like my job and I like working here but it’s becoming increasingly stressful for me to be dealing with the constant pressure.

Is there anything to be done?

 

Submitted on 2012/08/15 at 8:27 AM

Examples of how 2 supervisors treated me as an inpatient social worker:

1)A few years ago, Mary, Administrative Director for the Department of Psychiatry ordered a task and then when I complied, she became angry that I complied. When I reminded her of her initially ordering this task, she denied it. She permitted and asked me to have regular contact with Robert’s attorneys about a case. I did as she requested. As I was updating her that I did this, she yelled, “I thought that we agreed that I’d be the only one to have any contact with Robert’s staff!” I responded that “I was given the impression that this was something that you wanted me to do and pursue aggressively,” and then reminded her that I have kept her updated on specifics frequently. She then said, “You don’t have to get upset…next time we’ll have to be clearer with each other.”

2)On 11-12-06, there was a shortage of three social workers on inpatient, thus I was responsible for a triple case load. At this time, Mary acted as the primary “social worker” for a few cases to assist us. In the beginning of November, I put a written request to take the morning of 12/4/06 off, in Martha’s  mailbox. On Friday before 12/4, I assumed that she reviewed this request already, and left a message for her, reminding her that I would be out on that morning. When I returned to work that afternoon, she said: “I’m dismayed that you were out this morning when I never approved it…people don’t leave a message saying that they will be out, especially when we are short staffed…you made it really difficult for everyone on the unit, leaving them with extra work to cover for you…XYZ patient has been waiting to see you for hours…our communication must improve!”This would have been acceptable for a new employee, but not for myself who had an excellent attendance record and who had been employed for over three years. I attempted to explain that I had been especially thorough on Friday to assure the least amount of work possible for everyone on Monday…I told her that I am not responsible for all sides of communication, and then apologized for not being more proactive when making the request for time off. It turned out that she had not checked her mailbox for several weeks, so my written request was still sitting there over the weekend. I said that she did not not approve the morning off, and that I was not responsible for her neglecting to not check her mailbox. She said, “You expect everyone around you to be perfect!”

3)On a yearly basis, the hospital paid for professional conferences of an educational nature. In 2005, I submitted the receipt for reimbursement for about $150, and Mary arranged for me to get reimbursed $100, saying “I can approve $100 only because there’s this new policy limiting the amount to this.” In 2006, I submitted a receipt for another conference requesting $137. This was processed through the chief of psychiatry there and his secretary, and I was reimbursed fully and received a check for $137. It’s common sense that a hospital would not increase the amount of money permitted to employees for a conference, especially by over $30.

4)While carrying 10 cases (well over the the amount that’s reasonably safe to manage) in October, Mary attacked me about how I handled a particular case. During this time there was no social worker manager between us. Mary was pushing for the discharge of one of the most dangerous patients on the unit. She said that I didn’t collaborate enough with the treatment team. Without my knowing about it, she initiated a call to the family saying that they should immediately come in because a discharge is likely to occur that same day. A few minutes later, she paged me to tell me to prepare for a family meeting. She said that I didn’t give enough attention to the patient (even though the patient was so extremely agitated, that he was unable to listen to anything) immediately after a family meeting, said that I didn’t prioritize this case, and that I didn’t work fast enough on it.I reminded her that as long as we are dangerously understaffed, the patients will be shortchanged, that I did my best, and that I did have 10 cases that day. After the patient had been discharged, I discussed the case with the attending MD looking for feedback. That MD complimented me in a positive way, and did not say anything critical.

5)In November, Mary said that an attending MD complained about me saying that I did not recommend or coordinate a family meeting for a patient. I then spoke with that same attending MD, who said that she didn’t feel that a family meeting was ever needed throughout the patient’s entire stay. I told Mary this as well as the following “the attending MD never asked me to arrange a family meeting…I spoke with the daughter on the first day of admission, at which time she appeared highly supportive of the patient, and satisfied with all that the team was doing…therefore, I saw no need for a family meeting.”Mary responded that such a meeting was probably needed for this particular case. I reminded Mary that it is not realistic or necessary to have a family meeting for every patient. I then told her that “I fully updated the attending regularly on the case. This included my initial impression of the daughter…I left a follow up message for the daughter…then spoke with her a second time…I offered a discharge meeting to her as she was about to pick up.”

6)Mary said that I was “unthorough” about the case of XYZ, which I disagreed with. When I attempted to give examples of how thorough I was for this case, she called me “disrespectful.” This would have been acceptable for an employee who tended to be unthorough, but not for myself who had a solid track record and reputation of being thorough. She said that Bart, one of the nurses, complained to her on December 4th, telling her that I was not thorough in this same case. Bart was not on duty that day. Jim and Marleen were the nurses on that day instead. I recall Marleen complimenting me on how thorough I was in my first year. Feedback from the attending MD on this particular case was that I performed “superbly.” All the key contacts in N.H., that is, from the hospital to his legal guardian, complimented me on how well I handled the case.

7)On the day before leaving for vacation to start May of the following year, Beverly (still social work manager) and I met to discuss and transfer cases. By the end of that day, I outlined in writing, further details updating her on my cases, and gave this to her. Regarding the case of ABC, when we had spoken earlier that day, the plan was for him to be discharged the next day. By the time I wrote out my updates, the plan changed in that the timing of the discharge was probably not going to be for another couple days given the acuity level. I wrote to her regarding this case, “plan for discharge not tomorrow, gave patient aggressive response tool, needs anger management resource, DMH/group meeting here scheduled for Monday..this is the earliest possible that they can do it, family needs NAMI contact information, parents want DMH – CM to find patient a new Day Treatment program, parents want to pursue legal guardianship, group home’s policy is that discharge cannot occur on the same day as the meeting.” I remembered the group home manager stating that they did not “allow” a discharge to occur on the same day as the outpatient provider meeting with the inpatient team.

Immediately upon return from this vacation, Beverly stated “You should have cleaned things up before going on vacation…you left lose ends untied…you dumped everything on me…I had to scramble around last minute trying to find him an anger management resource…you didn’t talk to me about this patient needing an anger management resource before you left…this was a top priority for the attending MD (Dr. S)…nor did you tell me that the day treatment was shutting down and that he couldn’t be accepted there anyway…I had to refer him to X partial…you didn’t do what I asked you to do …you’re reactivity makes you not be good at accepting feedback and you need to take responsibility for your actions.” I attempted to explain that: “I did not know that the day treatment was shut down and that he couldn’t go there…I did do everything that you asked me to do…I’m feeling targeted…this is nitpicking.” D.G. was discharged on May 7th while I was still on vacation, which was several days after I thoroughly updated her. She had three days to assess the case and its needs. If this was such a high priority for the attending MD, one would assume that the need for an anger management resource would have been mentioned to Beverly. I had never, before this situation, been told that I did not complete all necessary tasks immediately preceding a vacation.

Submitted on 2012/08/15 at 9:27 AM

Examples of how Dr. Irene treated me in another job as an inpatient social worker:

1)On the day preceding expected discharge for one of our patients, she asked me to investigate what medication this patient had already been on prior to admission and to find out what medications patient already has at home. She then asked me to find out if any of this patient’s medications were left in the ER. She said that she wanted this information in order to help her figure out what prescriptions to call in to the pharmacy. When I set a limit by stating that this cannot be investigated, considering that she does not live in supervised housing and has no family and no friend, she raised her tone of voice while saying, “the social worker’s supposed to make sure this is done!”

2)She asked me to call a patient’s pharmacy to provide a particular phone number that she had access to. I responded to this by saying that I cannot do this, and have never called a pharmacy for a patient, and that this is not appropriate for social work. She raised her tone of voice repeating this request and stating that she cannot do this. I did meet this request of hers.

3)I had made several attempts early in the day to directly contact an insurance reviewer to complete a review. We were not able to do this until 3:30pm. When I gave Dr. Irene notice at 4 pm that a peer-peer may occur, she yelled at me: “You don’t know how to prioritize! You should’ve gotten this done earlier! This has to stop, and can never happen again…doing things at the last minute.” My only response to this, was “I’ll keep this in mind in the future.” This peer to peer was not actually required as a result of the review I completed.

4)She yelled at me for not arranging an earlier appointment for psychopharmacology. The first availability for this at a particular agency was approximately 4 weeks out. There was no other agency with earlier availability than this, and that was local to this patient’s home. This agency that provided this appointment was the patient’s first choice. Primary care appointment was scheduled for approximately 1 week following discharge. The patient only had non-managed Medicaid and thus there was no insurance that had the ability to assist in getting an earlier appointment. Referring to partial hospitalization was not possible due to lack of insurance coverage. I explained all of these points to her and asked her to consider writing extra refills on the prescriptions, which she did not do.

5)After providing extensive detail about a patient’s baseline, as was provided by reliable family, to her in a meeting, she responded by saying “I don’t have a sense of what this patient’s baseline is.”

6)When I told her 2 hours in advance that I plan on calling a chair car for 12:30 for a patient, she stated “You’re telling me now?! I should have been informed of this by you much earlier.” I responded to this by explaining that a time was negotiated with the receiving facility based on obtaining an insurance authorization # and giving this # to that facility, all about 10 minutes previously.

7)In applying to a state inpatient unit, that state unit asked for the first time that same day, that this patient’s hospitalization course be written in a letter format by the Dr. Irene. Upon hearing this, I immediately made this request of her. She yelled, “I am leaving in 5 minutes! I’ve never had to do this before!” I did not know that she was planning on leaving work around noon that day.I was asked to resign on the same day that Dr. Irene talked to my supervisor, which I can easily assume involved Dr. Irene making false and inappropriate accusations about my work.

Submitted on 2012/05/22 at 7:17 PM

Peer failed to document incidents on employee
I was directed to handle evaluation and falsely score
I protested, but followed through
Clients rights violated
I voiced concern, told to stop, told I was jealous of other relationships boss had with my peers,
Racial discrimination taking place against lower level employee
I voiced,wrote up my concerns
No response
Given directives verbally, then informed that no one ever said that
Plus more shades of gray behavior taking place that affect employees/clients
Screamed at
I filed harassment, won
Buckled my seat belt for a rough ride now, understood that the real trip was about to begin, and it did in a big way.
Belittling e-mails flooding me/peers about me
Demoted for action that has been practiced for 20 years with proven documentation, HR not helpful, but helpful to employer, not a surprise
Union is a person(s) that only sits next to you during discipline, has a meeting with you 2 days before, no real help except for the emotional side,you need to know how to prepare your own case

Informed not allowed to pursue legal action, unless it is racial, sexism ect.
Frustrating, but trying to keep emotions out, have to reply on collective bargaining,(union)
hard work of preparing documents
Understand that a good job is better than any law suit any day.
However,
Something needs to change in the law to protect, and not just unions, but the law. Not every bad thing is listed under the 5-7 protected classes of discrimination. Harassment intimidation, bullying should be against the law in the workplace, and protected and one should be able to take legal action, and that is not my ego talking, it is a terrible thing to live through and observe happening to people that are to afraid to take action(but understand, because they are not protected, beyond unions, and hopefully the union is strong and not in the employers pocket).

In pool of employees that I was in charge of
Dismissed by my prior fellow peers
When and if re-instated, going to be challenge
Workplace has succeeded,diminished my reputation on all levels

i will have to find grace, and patients to survive

 
Submitted on 2012/05/08 at 9:23 PM

My case took place in Kenya. I am a primary school teacher and last December, my District Education Officer wrote to me asking me to explain why I had written leaflets incriminating his office with corruption. I had heard that leaflets had been thrown around the district stating how the Human Resource Officer was demanding bribes in form of money and sex from teachers. I went to his office to explain that I knew nothing about the leaflets but the Human Resource Officer told me to step out of the office.

I then wrote to the Permanent Secretary in the Ministry of Education stating how the DEO was intimidating me.The DEO went further and interdicted me in January this year and my salary was halved. Now two of my children have dropped out of school due to fee arrears that I have not been able to pay as I wait to be reinstated after all investigations are complete. My wife is now overburdened by taking care of me and our children in all financial aspects.

I hope to write a book about my experience that has cost my innocent children and wife.

Submitted on 2012/05/01 at 9:49 PM

Since my x supervisor had an accident and hit her head, (you could see the large bump on her forehead afterward) she has become like that of the, “workplace psychopath.” She use to help defend me against other bullies in the office, now behaves as though, I’m the bully who’s doing the harassment and is harassing her! It’s so awful! There’s so much to this I’m going through emotional, mental and physical anguish on a daily basis, and hourly basis. She constantly walked by my work desk, staring at me every 30 mins. to every hour. She’s formed a “mob” and has another coworker (who works for Union) who before she formed the mob with him, constantly paces between his desk to the break room, all day long almost every other 5 minutes of every day. Every time he comes back from the break room, he stares at me. I’ve now gone so far as to lifting my computer monitor high from off of my desk to have both of them stop staring at me all day! What’s worse yet, is finally the President of the company became involved (because my x psychopath supervisor told on me about insubordination as she calls it being done to her from me when she’s the one who harasses and stares at me, pacing my desk every day almost constantly throughout the day) about me verbally lashing out at her for her “always being there everywhere I go!” which was a comment I made to her at one time. She actually told me how dare you speak to me that way! I then called her a bitc* to her face and said it’s true! You’re always everywhere I go all day long every day! What’s wrong with you? Leave me alone! She threatened to go to my Father to tell him what I had done and said to her, how I spoke to her, insuborinately and I snapped back, “Go ahead! Go do that bitc*!” Of course, the HR is my Father of all things, and he of all things, sided with her over me. Why? He told me that his reputation’s more important. sigh

Should I quit my job?

I’ve been documenting every time she and the other man she’s been mobbing with has been staring at me and harassing me. This going on almost constantly, and even the President has now became involved and called me into his office one day, out of the blue. Of all things, he’s accusing me, of being the one who’s doing the harassment. I’m younger than the x supervisor and the man she’s been mobbing with. I don’t know what to do! I’m so worn out with all of this and I’m starting to even take it out on and yell at the one I love now too. (starting a bad headache now)

Supposedly, it’s called insubordination when you yell at a superior figure right? What about what’s being done to someone who’s of a lesser position in the company, who’s being harassed throughout the day? Is there a term for this? Should I report all of this to the BBB including my Father the HR and President actually having chosen to side with the “workplace psychopath” and her “mob” by not putting a stop to my being constantly and daily being harassed? She’s been putting my work down too, by making me make changes to how I’ve been creating labels for folders for almost 8 years I’ve been working at the company for. I have documented proof and that all of the other departments had been making the folders the same way I had too. This is absolutely ridiculous! She crossed out what I was doing right in front of my Senior Supervisor too, and what really surprised me was, she agreed with her and how she had belittled and how she chose to have what I’ve been doing, be corrected!

My job of now almost 8 years was fine (almost except for a few people in the other department I was once in because of a jealousy factor) until this woman who has formed a mob with this one other coworker came into this work place. Now I can hardly sleep at night and my health, self worth, self esteem, personal life, etc. are all going to pure hel* more and more each day, especially the place I work at.

 
Submitted on 2012/04/06 at 11:35 PM

I work at a small office. 2 doctors, female, male, and a female coworker. Well, for months my coworker neglects to inform me on things that are going on at the office. The patients know more than me! The female doctor has been on board since July. Well, the other day, my coworker had a printing issue and the male doctor and her were talking about it and I decided I’d better listen and offer help if needed. My coworker was told by the I.T. dept to call back if the issue wasn’t resolved. since 250 pgs were still being printed, I said we should call back. The male doctor leaned into my face with a ugly look on his face and shortly replied, “we already did that, Lisa” emphasis on my name. I was shocked and replied ok a bit harshly. then my coworker proceeded to call I.T. and he said NOTHING to her. she seemed happy about the incident that just occured. I went to my desk in tears trying to compose myself thinking maybe I was just overreacting. I couldn’t get that image of my boss getting in my personal space and left work and didn’t return for 2 days. when I called in the 2nd time, my coworker told me that she didn’t think anything was that bad to miss work. I came to work on the 3rd day on the brink of throwing up, my heart beating a mile a minute and a huge headache. No one said anything. I acted like nothing happened just to get thru the day as i’m the only one working at my household of 3 total. well, today, my boss tells me that he notices that I’m taking a lot of time off and in the past hasn’t counted vacatiton days but now he has to because he has to pay the temp also. as I think about it, I used to be a joyous person at work, but lately, when I try to be funny I get a curt reply from the boss or a smile from my coworker. My daughter has next week off which I took off to spend with her and think about where to go with this as I don’t know who to turn to.

Submitted on 2012/03/29 at 5:47 AM

I am 55 years old and have always prided myself on being able to work with anyone. My career has been in the Banking Industry since I was 18 and so I have met and worked with all types of personalities. I was able to work under the radar of a lot of bullies and actually today I look back on these relationships and thank them for teaching how not to be. However as I have grown as a person, wife, mother, daughter and friend and employee, I am at the stage that I cannot tolerate the abuse/ intimidation any longer.This type of environment drains me emotionally daily and I always come back to the realization that I have to put up with this or leave. In 2007/8 I was bullied to the point of a leave of absence from work and my doctor wanted to admit me to the hospital, but I chose to attend a 3 week workshop in the hospital to try to understand that this was not my fault. The program was extremely helpful, but as it turned out I had to quit in the end. I went to a new bank with a feeling that all would be different. Well its not. I am now on more medication and I feel myself starting to recognize old feelings that are very unhealthy. My personality has always projected a nice person. I am nice and whats wrong with that. I am fair, accommodating, pleasant, work hard and always try to find the good in people. I have liked myself and how I treat people and the feedback tells me that I am a good person. So now I am weakened, my anxiety it relentless and I am starting to over think things and look for not so healthy coping strategies. I have used the Banks EAP,expressed my feelings, guardedly, to my immediate supervisor, spoken to both people who are the unpleasant ones, but still very little success. I know my story is common, but now what?

Submitted on 2012/03/25 at 11:09 AM

I work for a large mail company and almost 3 years ago our delivery office manager(DOM) moved to another office. Since the arrival of the new manager, an already declining office moral has now dropped to an all time low.
When we had our last revision of delivery duties, each walk had a scheduled time for indoor work: sorting mail. It became very clear within a short period of time-even allowing for adjustments and to get up to speed-that a shortage of staff and miscalculations when devising deliveries(walks), meant that the sorting times allocated did not provide sufficient hours to complete all sorting. The schedules then mysteriously vanished and we then had to sort mail for much longer periods and therefore could not complete delivery duties within our scheduled shift times. Whilst overtime is not obligatory, we were not offered any solutions to counteract extra indoor workloads and had to work over to complete or “cut off” leaving mail in order to finish on time. Much opposition was made against people cutting off and when, after several complaints to my line manager that the workload was not achievable, my competency was then challenged; my sorting rate was tested, of which I achieved well above the minimum requirement. I made several complaints to different line managers that I should then be tested on delivery, this never took place and no attempts were made to offer help or solutions. The heat was then turned-up as we then started to meet resistance from our line manager for claiming overtime to complete. A daily occurrence of having to report to him that in order to complete I would not finish on time then to be told “what do you mean you need to claim”? or “don’t claim too much”! Or, even being told on some days that he didn’t know whether overtime on a particular day would be paid at all! This went on for over 2 years I ended up putting in a grievance. My grievance was overturned and my managers behaviour was put down to “strong management” and my that I should probably have been tested on delivery but with the next revision coming, it was unlikely. No mention to changes to indoor workload. There is much more I could say on this but I won’t go on too much.

Approximately 2 months ago another revision was completed. We now work in pairs. During the first week we were claiming overtime; as expected when adjusting to a new delivery. For the most part we have been able to complete within duty time, but, having to work frenetically to achieve this; rushing from start of prep to finish on delivery, we are at times practically running out there! When my partner took leave 2 weeks ago the postman covering worked a much much slower pace, indoors and out, even allowing for the delivery being new to him. I was having to do most of the indoor workload and help him deliver his parts of the delivery. On day three we cut off and had to leave rather a lot of mail to take in to account my colleagues slow work pace. We also had to do extra sorting that day, delaying us even further. The line manager I spoke to was trying to talk over me and convince me we should complete, but I knew we would be very late finishing. Eventually an agreement was met and we still finished late. The next morning I went in to speak to our usual line manager I was diplomatic in telling him that my colleague worked at rather slow pace and I also said that I thought that the mail we had to leave was more than would normally be left, due to this and the extra sorting we had to do. He said he look in to it for me. later that morning I was taken in to the office by the line manager who I had agreed the cut-off with, the day before. He said he had been told to challenge me over the amount of mail left with a view to possible conduct. He said that what I had left was not what was agreed. By the end of the conversation he said there appeared to have been a misunderstanding and he would discuss with the DOM where to take things. My colleague was also interviews, separately. As a result of that mornings meetings and again having to do extra sorting we were then at a point of being very delayed. I was upset about what had happened that morning and felt unable to face more confrontation and so we completed and finished extremely late.

This last week, again there has been extra pressure (although my usual colleague had returned) with extra indoor workload. We agreed cut-offs with line managers on two of the days. By Friday I had noticed managers were in a meeting with the DOM. I suspected that things would take a different turn and they did. During sorting we (approx 10 staff) were being glared at with hostility by a line manger. On return to prepare our deliveries, managers were stationed in and around us simply glaring, without speaking. We did not cut-off as no extra sorting that day, but others who have delivery issued were cajoled in working over there time by overbearing line managers. The DOM was postitioned near to where my colleague and I were working, watching us. She then came over to me and told me that I had triggered a stage 3 disciplinary (which can result in dismissal). I was totally shocked and said I didn’t understand why? I felt I was being persecuted. I ended up feeling anxious and close to tears and told her I thought that what was going on in the office was appalling and that she was responsible for using intimidation. I told her I’d had enough and left the office and I am now off with stress.

Submitted on 2012/03/14 at 2:35 PM

During a conversation between my male manager and myself, he tells me that “there’s no need to become emotional”!
This statement… Made me angry, the more I thought about it!
We were discussing why he overrid my decision about one of my associates who is also male. I told my manager, that he does not know the needs of my department (we are a specialy state licensed department) that he should have discussed things with me before approving what was already denied. That this person had lied to him to get what he wanted. I asked him how many times, has this person ever come to him for anything? This associate is a man who does not like to be questioned on something that he has done or not done. He talks trash about me, and his coworkers. He call others at the other locations and bad mouths us to them. People at the other locations as well as his coworkers are afraid of this man.
I believe my associate is a bully! What can I do?

 
Submitted on 2012/03/13 at 6:24 AM

Bullied again by my job HR doing!? What do you thihk! I have worked for the City as a civilian for over 10 years, in the PD. I was Bullied the last three years by a couple of co-workers who claimed I said “YOU PEOPLE,” yet I was threatened to be “F***ed UP” and Slapped in the face by this woman. The Department I was in, PD, felt, “You People,” was the crime not her threats even though I never said those two words. I was also pregnant during this time, my co-workers made comments towards me like, “God has a name for children like yours!” All while in the presence of my supervisor. I was even told by one supervisor that he hated me and everyone hated me when he took me in a conference room to have a talk to me about another petty complaint. An Anti Bully advocate for the City came to my rescue and has been trying to help me out. She expressed to HR to know avail and the City Manager how hard this has taken a hit on me. HR moved me from the PD, placed me in their department and did a “fake” investigation on the officers who were bullying me. I was then transfer to a fitness facility where I checked in members I.D and placed them in a box, cleaned workout equipment, pass out basketballs and breakdown and put up chairs and my job is “Administrative.” The new supervisor they put me under was a known bully and had complaints against her in HR. During the first week i was there she belittled me called me slow and would constantly tap hard on my shoulder over and over and lean over me till my eyes fully met hers. I had to give her the attention she demanded or she would flip out. She bragged about one of her friends a part time employee who was employeed there at the same time i was getting my old job at the PD. Then she asked me about the bullying problems there which i didnt want to speak of. She continued to treat me poorly in front of others co-workers and patrons and i asked her politely after dismissing myself to the restroom one day if she would not do that to me that i didnt appretiate it. At this point it got worse. Later on in the week i got an urgent call from the hospital about my daughter, on voicemail, i freaked out. I started tearing up, i didnt know what was going on and i couldnt reach my family who was watching her or the hospital. Then two months later my aunt died of Cancer. Second on in a year. My mother called me at work to tell me. Three days go by, i am having a great day. I am heading to the restroom, i tell a coworker, my supervisor then desided to call my phone. Then radios me for my location. I tell her i am going to the restroom, she then tells me to call her when i get out. (which a sarcastic tone) I comply. I get out of the restroom and she tells me to come to her office. When i get in there she confront me out going to the restroom and stated that she was calling me and the phone was just ringing ringing ringing. (it wasnt) then she tells me the importance of answering the phone and that there is a night call button. Then she asked me if i was feeling ok. Then she tells me that she was informed that i had an incident the other day. I told her that I did have a headache one day last week. Which I think was the day she was quesetioning me about. Then she stated that if i was sick i need to excuse myself and then she started making fake barfing soundings. Then She stated that is there anything else wrong, we cant be having these meltdowns, meltdowns, meltdowns with you. And we seem to be having a lot of instances like that with you. At that point i felt it best to walk out. She was sarcastic and smiling from ear to ear. A while later she walks out and tells me she is going downtown and to let her know if anyone calls for her. I told her ok and I asked her if she would stop saying that i am having meltdown, meltdowns, meltdowns (especially in front of people or patrons) she said no…and i told her i didnt think it was a nice thing to say and she stated it was a lighter word for what it really was and then I told her it bothers me, I told you that the first time you said it. I told her nuclear plants have meltdowns not people, she stated yes they do and you do all the time, while smiling ear to ear and afirming her head up and down. I then said no they dont. At this point she screamed at me to “SHUT UP.” I was taken back i told her i will not and she then turned around walked away and stated ill talk to you later. The next thing i know i am getting a counseling letter with a huge fabricated story, she stated that she felt threatens that i told her to get out of my face…and the language she stated i used is sooooo street which is how she talks not me. And i have to go to a City doctor today to see if i am FIT FOR DUTY-EVALUATION….oh and here is the kicker….my supervisor sent me a threatening text message stating “Get out of the d*mn bathroom, get my water noww. open ur mouth agin to me n i’m gonna bust my fist in it.” Yet she is free and clear and I am being sent to be evaluate for “meltdowns” and she stated that oh i meant to send that text to someone else and the hire ups are telling me it was a mistake too. Which is BS. Any advice anyone…?? Im tired of being bullied & pushed out of a job, i am a single mother who does not deserve this….

Submitted on 2012/01/24 at 7:57 AM

Bullies are cowards at heart. They are the predators that seek out the weakest member of the herd and wait until that individual is alone and even more helpless.

3 years ago I left my job, because two of my coworkers were throwing away papers and information that I had left for my boss. I would put it in the bosses’ In Box and within 20-30 minutes it was gone. This was particularly traumatic because the culprit was my sick stepdaughter. They eventually took my time sheets and it cost me my final paycheck. My boss never even asked about it because she was so busy covering for them having believed all of their lies and I really don’t know what all was said.

This was a job I really loved and initially Pat had suggested that she would like me to be the nurse for the company to the end of it’s days. After I quit, I had surgery and was pretty much out of commission for the next 4 months, and because my stepdaughter was the culprit, I decided to let it drop. She did not drop anything though as she went on and on about what she perceived me to have done. My husband knew that she was lying – eventually.

A couple of years later. Pat fired this stepdaughter – and asked me to come back. Since this was a position that I truly enjoyed I agreed to it.

It has started up again. This time, the office manager, who can act like a great person when the boss is around is a total tyrant when she is not around. Most recently my husband’s mother died. The group sent the usual card. The next day another coworker’s mother died. The group sent the usual card. One week later, the office manager got everyone together and decided to send the coworker flowers – even asked for my share to pay for them – and totally disregarded my recent loss. I didn’t get any explanation, just the bill.

My question is, given that my boss does not really know the full circumstances, should I let her know? I want to, but like before it might take her years to figure it out.

By the by, this is a medical establishment in Minnesota, just an FYI, for those of you who think that medicine is so great in Minnesota. A rule of thumb here, is that Minnesota Nurses eat their young. Tragically I have seen some of the worst nurses ever produced are educated right here in Minnesota.

Submitted on 2012/01/12 at 10:34 PM

My supervisor told all the nurses that anyone who was educated in this country was stupid because she could recite the periodic table. The medical director asked my patients if they wanted a black nurse with me standing there. The chaplain told me that I needed to get with the program and change my religion. And the social worker who was from Somalia told me that I was a fat obnoxious Republican and white women don’t need to eat. I was the oldest and only white Catholic employee of this national hospice. I am a former military officer and I am but never told anyone I am a Republican.

Submitted on 2011/12/23 at 12:23 PM

I was verbally abused by a co-worker and called very vulgar names in the presence of other co-workers and this was done because I had done well in my job by securing some significant business for the company. I complained to my boss and requested a meeting with the employee and he very adamantly rejected my request to have a meeting with the employee to corroborate my complaint and to work things out. He also behaved very inappropriately with this employee in front of the staff and the same co-worker would spend hours in his office behind closed doors. After I complained to him about the continued verbal harassment by this employee, my boss began sending threatening and humiliating emails to me. The cyber bulling continued so much that it adversely affected my health. The harassment was so painful that I changed from being very confident and successful in my work to being fearful and depressed all the time. As my boss’s position was higher than that of the HR Manager, a complaint to HR would not be worthwhile so I quit my job. I had lots of documentation and written evidence acknowledging verbal and cyber bullying from my boss and co-worker, but the adverse effects to my health was not worth pursuing a law suit. Although leaving the job put a financial strain on my family, it turned my life around mentally and physically and it has brought a lot of sunshine to the lives of my family and me. We don’t have conversations of the bullying I suffered at work any more. For anyone who thinks that they can’t leave a workplace harassment situation because of economic reasons, please think of it like marriage where you are being physically abused and you have to put yourself first and get out. Websites like this one are a great outlet and make sure to tell everyone about the bully.

Submitted on 2011/10/30 at 7:28 PM

Thank you for validating what targets go through. I look forward to the day we aren’t blamed for our predicament. I’m being mobbed by a bully boss and co-worker. First, they made up lies about my performance to take away all of my duties except menial tasks. They have mocked, isolated, and restricted my access to tools I need for the job. I have been physically intimidated by them and my boss is now humiliating me by making me report to my co-workers when I use the bathroom. She is a snake who does her dirty work in secret and has “impression-managed” me behind my back to other staff to lead them to believe I am a problem employee. She hasn’t written me up; she’d rather harrass me to the point of quitting than fire me. I’ve hung on for years because I need the income and benefits. My confidence is at an all-time low. I seek out support in the self-help community only to be told I “allow the bully to get to me” or that I am doing something to trigger this behavior. These people haven’t been terrorized at work or else they were able to find new jobs before the situation deteriorated. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. I don’t want sympathy, I just want the “blame the victim” mentality to stop.

 
Submitted on 2011/09/13 at 7:15 AM

I work as an English teacher overseas. I started working at a private school along with another American woman and we both received cold-shoulder treatment from the other women in the department. Before our working there there were no Westerners/Americans working in that school. The other English teachers did not like us being there and we get the message everyday. The women are very vain and narcissistic. We get excluded from conversations, receive silent-treatments, get passed over and are always the last ones to know anything. The biggest irritant is not having timely and helpful information. The other American teacher complained about not being notified about changes in her classes, but to no avail. They also get together and do things outside of work and don’t invite us, but then they take pictures of it and include it in school videos and present it at the end of the year in their presentations. Or a teacher will interview all the teachers on some subject and make a comedy video about it for the end of the school year and when all watches it we realize that we weren’t included in the school-staff camaraderie. If I join in a conversation between two of the teachers I’m ignored. I ask a lot of questions and get a “I don’t know,” response. No one ever seems to know anything. When I complained that the books for the students were not suited to their level I got instant negative responses from my coworkers and and implication that I didn’t know what I was talking about. It’s difficult because the head of the department is in all of this too. The women act like wannabee beauty queens and so preoccupied with their physical appearance that it makes one working there feel like they are stuck in the movie: Clueless, or in high school with all the prom queens. They are always trying to one-up each other on their dress (which is really inappropriate for school), shoes, accessories. The other American said it’s a way for them to imtimidate women. Anyways, I really dislike the unprofessionalism and the cold-shoulders and delay or lack of pertinent information. I was ready to quit last year, but my husband talked me into finishing my contract and enduring. I resigned this year reluctantly because I don’t want to have to start the job search all over again and I get paid well and like my schedule. But, I fear I may have to find another position because I don’t like being ignored soley on the basis of my being an American. I’ve worked overseas before and never had this kind of experience in my life. Actually, I never even encountered any mobbing or bullying in the workplace in America.

24 Responses to Your Stories

  1. Susan says:

    I am 55 years old and have always prided myself on being able to work with anyone. My career has been in the Banking Industry since I was 18 and so I have met and worked with all types of personalities. I was able to work under the radar of a lot of bullies and actually today I look back on these relationships and thank them for teaching how not to be. However as I have grown as a person, wife, mother, daughter and friend and employee, I am at the stage that I cannot tolerate the abuse/ intimidation any longer.This type of environment drains me emotionally daily and I always come back to the realization that I have to put up with this or leave. In 2007/8 I was bullied to the point of a leave of absence from work and my doctor wanted to admit me to the hospital, but I chose to attend a 3 week workshop in the hospital to try to understand that this was not my fault. The program was extremely helpful, but as it turned out I had to quit in the end. I went to a new bank with a feeling that all would be different. Well its not. I am now on more medication and I feel myself starting to recognize old feeling that are very unhealthy. My personality has always projected a nice person. I am nice and whats wrong with that. I am fair, accommodating, pleasant, work hard and always try to find the good in people. I have liked myself and how I treat people and the feedback tells me that I am a good person. So now I am weakened, my anxiety it relentless and I am starting to over think things and look for not so healthy coping strategies. I have used the Banks EAP,expressed my feelings, guardedly, to my immediate supervisor, spoken to both people who are the unpleasant ones, but still very little success. I know my story is common, but now what???

  2. Judith says:

    Greetings,
    You asked if what you described could be construed as workplace intimidation. Keep in mind, I’m not an attorney and don’t offer any legal advise. With that said, I would say yes it is a form of intimidation. If I had three people staring at me during an inquisition and I had no one on my side, such as a Union Rep, I would feel very intimidated. I wouldn’t call it the worst case, but it can lead to worse. You mentioned the employee was suspended…was it for a certain time period and have they come back yet? I would be very observant and remember, documentation is key. Please document everything. Documentation is very important.

    I wish you well.

    Warmly,
    Judith Munson

  3. harry little says:

    Could you advise me on the following, would an employee taken into the office to be questioned about an offence (leaving work without permission) and while in there having another member of staff present then bringing in another member of staff 3 in all.
    Would this constitute workplace intimidation?
    He was not advised to have his union rep present, he was suspended following the meeting.

    Regards
    H. Little

  4. Thembu says:

    Please help with an advice to make informed decision about this problem as I answered yes to all your questions above. I have been working for this company for almost 7yrs without problems and in the past 3months we have new management with 1 person making my life a living hell as a result I don’t feel happy to go to work anymore.

  5. Kim says:

    Peer failed to document incidents on employee
    I was directed to handle evaluation and falsely score
    I protested, but followed through
    Clients rights violated
    I voiced concern, told to stop, told I was jealous of other relationships boss had with my peers,
    Racial discrimination taking place against lower level employee
    I voiced,wrote up my concerns
    No response
    Given directives verbally, then informed that no one ever said that
    Plus more shades of gray behavior taking place that affect employees/clients
    Screamed at
    I filed harassment, won
    Buckled my seat belt for a rough ride now, understood that the real trip was about to begin, and it did in a big way.
    Belittling e-mails flooding me/peers about me
    Demoted for action that has been practiced for 20 years with proven documentation, HR not helpful, but helpful to employer, not a surprise
    Union is a person(s) that only sits next to you during discipline, has a meeting with you 2 days before, no real help except for the emotional side,you need to know how to prepare your own case

    Informed not allowed to pursue legal action, unless it is racial, sexism ect.
    Frustrating, but trying to keep emotions out, have to reply on collective bargaining,(union)
    hard work of preparing documents
    Understand that a good job is better than any law suit any day.
    However,
    Something needs to change in the law to protect, and not just unions, but the law. Not every bad thing is listed under the 5-7 protected classes of discrimination. Harassment intimidation, bullying should be against the law in the workplace, and protected and one should be able to take legal action, and that is not my ego talking, it is a terrible thing to live through and observe happening to people that are to afraid to take action(but understand, because they are not protected, beyond unions, and hopefully the union is strong and not in the employers pocket).

    In pool of employees that I was in charge of
    Dismissed by my prior fellow peers
    When and if re-instated, going to be challenge
    Workplace has succeeded,diminished my reputation on all levels

    i will have to find grace, and patients to survive

  6. Apollo Sibuda says:

    My case took place in Kenya. I am a primary school teacher and last December, my District Education Officer wrote to me asking me to explain why I had written leaflets incriminating his office with corruption. I had heard that leaflets had been thrown around the district stating how the Human Resource Officer was demanding bribes in form of money and sex from teachers. I went to his office to explain that I knew nothing about the leaflets but the Human Resource Officer told me to step out of the office.

    I then wrote to the Permanent Secretary in the Ministry of Education stating how the DEO was intimidating me.The DEO went further and interdicted me in January this year and my salary was halved. Now two of my children have dropped out of school due to fee arrears that I have not been able to pay as I wait to be reinstated after all investigations are complete. My wife is now overburdened by taking care of me and our children in all financial aspects.

    I hope to write a book about my experience that has cost my innocent children and wife.

    Apollo

  7. psychopathvictim says:

    Since my x supervisor had an accident and hit her head, (you could see the large bump on her forehead afterward) she has become like that of the, “workplace psychopath.” She use to help defend me against other bullies in the office, now behaves as though, I’m the bully who’s doing the harassment and is harassing her! It’s so awful! There’s so much to this I’m going through emotional, mental and physical anguish on a daily basis, and hourly basis. She constantly walked by my work desk, staring at me every 30 mins. to every hour. She’s formed a “mob” and has another coworker (who works for Union) who before she formed the mob with him, constantly paces between his desk to the break room, all day long almost every other 5 minutes of every day. Every time he comes back from the break room, he stares at me. I’ve now gone so far as to lifting my computer monitor high from off of my desk to have both of them stop staring at me all day! What’s worse yet, is finally the President of the company became involved (because my x psychopath supervisor told on me about insubordination as she calls it being done to her from me when she’s the one who harasses and stares at me, pacing my desk every day almost constantly throughout the day) about me verbally lashing out at her for her “always being there everywhere I go!” which was a comment I made to her at one time. She actually told me how dare you speak to me that way! I then called her a bitc* to her face and said it’s true! You’re always everywhere I go all day long every day! What’s wrong with you? Leave me alone! She threatened to go to my Father to tell him what I had done and said to her, how I spoke to her, insuborinately and I snapped back, “Go ahead! Go do that bitc*!” Of course, the HR is my Father of all things, and he of all things, sided with her over me. Why? He told me that his reputation’s more important. sigh

    Should I quit my job? Anyone? sigh

    I’ve been documenting every time she and the other man she’s been mobbing with has been staring at me and harassing me. This going on almost constantly, and even the President has now became involved and called me into his office one day, out of the blue. Of all things, he’s accusing me, of being the one who’s doing the harassment. I’m younger than the x supervisor and the man she’s been mobbing with. I don’t know what to do! I’m so worn out with all of this and I’m starting to even take it out on and yell at the one I love now too. (starting a bad headache now)

    Supposedly, it’s called insubordination when you yell at a superior figure right? What about what’s being done to someone who’s of a lesser position in the company, who’s being harassed throughout the day? Is there a term for this? Should I report all of this to the BBB including my Father the HR and President actually having chosen to side with the “workplace psychopath” and her “mob” by not putting a stop to my being constantly and daily being harassed? She’s been putting my work down too, by making me make changes to how I’ve been creating labels for folders for almost 8 years I’ve been working at the company for. I have documented proof and that all of the other departments had been making the folders the same way I had too. This is absolutely ridiculous! She crossed out what I was doing right in front of my Senior Supervisor too, and what really surprised me was, she agreed with her and how she had belittled and how she chose to have what I’ve been doing, be corrected!

    My job of now almost 8 years was fine (almost except for a few people in the other department I was once in because of a jealousy factor) until this woman who has formed a mob with this one other coworker came into this work place. Now I can hardly sleep at night and my health, self worth, self esteem, personal life, etc. are all going to pure hel* more and more each day, especially the place I work at.

  8. Angela says:

    Your boss was taking their nerves out on you.That is abuse. My boss always did that to me.He feels empowered by intimidating you.I hate those weird mood swings.

  9. Lisa says:

    further note: the temp said that my coworker did a job that I did. I also left an interoffice message to the boss asking if he would speak with my coworker to share things with me. as far as I can see, he hasn’t done that.

  10. Lisa says:

    I work at a small office. 2 doctors, female & male, and a female coworker. Well, for months my coworker neglects to inform me on things that are going on at the office. The patients know more than me! The female doctor has been on board since July. Well, the other day, my coworker had a printing issue and the male doctor and her were talking about it and I decided I’d better listen and offer help if needed. My coworker was told by the I.T. dept to call back if the issue wasn’t resolved. since 250 pgs were still being printed, I said we should call back. The male doctor leaned into my face with a ugly look on his face and shortly replied, “we already did that, Lisa” emphasis on my name. I was shocked and replied ok a bit harshly. then my coworker proceeded to call I.T. and he said NOTHING to her. she seemed happy about the incident that just occured. I went to my desk in tears trying to compose myself thinking maybe I was just overreacting. I couldn’t get that image of my boss getting in my personal space and left work and didn’t return for 2 days. when I called in the 2nd time, my coworker told me that she didn’t think anything was that bad to miss work. I came to work on the 3rd day on the brink of throwing up, my heart beating a mile a minute and a huge headache. No one said anything. I acted like nothing happened just to get thru the day as i’m the only one working at my household of 3 total. well, today, my boss tells me that he notices that I’m taking a lot of time off and in the past hasn’t counted vacatiton days but now he has to because he has to pay the temp also. as I think about it, I used to be a joyous person at work, but lately, when I try to be funny I get a curt reply from the boss or a smile from my coworker. My daughter has next week off which I took off to spend with her and think about where to go with this as I don’t know who to turn to.

  11. Sam says:

    I work for a large mail company and almost 3 years a go our delivery office manager(DOM) moved to another office. Since the arrival of the new manager, an already declining office moral has now dropped to an all time low.
    When we had our last revision of delivery duties, each walk had a scheduled time for indoor work: sorting mail. It became very clear within a short period of time-even allowing for adjustments and to get up to speed-that a shortage of staff and miscalculations when devising deliveries(walks), meant that the sorting times allocated did not provide sufficient hours to complete all sorting. The schedules then mysteriously vanished and we then had to sort mail for much longer periods and therefore could not complete delivery duties within our scheduled shift times. Whilst overtime is not obligatory, we were not offered any solutions to counteract extra indoor workloads and had to work over to complete or “cut off” leaving mail in order to finish on time. Much opposition was made against people cutting off and when, after several complaints to my line manager that the workload was not achievable, my competency was then challenged; my sorting rate was tested, of which I achieved well above the minimum requirement. I made several complaints to different line managers that I should then be tested on delivery, this never took place and no attempts were made to offer help or solutions. The heat was then turned-up as we then started to meet resistance from our line manager for claiming overtime to complete. A daily occurrence of having to report to him that in order to complete I would not finish on time then to be told “what do you mean you need to claim”? or “don’t claim too much”! Or, even being told on some days that he didn’t know whether overtime on a particular day would be paid at all! This went on for over 2 years I ended up putting in a grievance. My grievance was overturned and my managers behaviour was put down to “strong management” and my that I should probably have been tested on delivery but with the next revision coming, it was unlikely. No mention to changes to indoor workload. There is much more I could say on this but I won’t go on too much.

    Approximately 2 months ago another revision was completed. We now work in pairs. During the first week we were claiming overtime; as expected when adjusting to a new delivery. For the most part we have been able to complete within duty time, but, having to work frenetically to achieve this; rushing from start of prep to finish on delivery, we are at times practically running out there! When my partner took leave 2 weeks ago the postman covering worked a much much slower pace, indoors and out, even allowing for the delivery being new to him. I was having to do most of the indoor workload and help him deliver his parts of the delivery. On day three we cut off and had to leave rather a lot of mail to take in to account my colleagues slow work pace. We also had to do extra sorting that day, delaying us even further. The line manager I spoke to was trying to talk over me and convince me we should complete, but I knew we would be very late finishing. Eventually an agreement was met and we still finished late. The next morning I went in to speak to our usual line manager I was diplomatic in telling him that my colleague worked at rather slow pace and I also said that I thought that the mail we had to leave was more than would normally be left, due to this and the extra sorting we had to do. He said he look in to it for me. later that morning I was taken in to the office by the line manager who I had agreed the cut-off with, the day before. He said he had been told to challenge me over the amount of mail left with a view to possible conduct. He said that what I had left was not what was agreed. By the end of the conversation he said there appeared to have been a misunderstanding and he would discuss with the DOM where to take things. My colleague was also interviews, separately. As a result of that mornings meetings and again having to do extra sorting we were then at a point of being very delayed. I was upset about what had happened that morning and felt unable to face more confrontation and so we completed and finished extremely late.

    This last week, again there has been extra pressure (although my usual colleague had returned) with extra indoor workload. We agreed cut-offs with line managers on two of the days. By Friday I had noticed managers were in a meeting with the DOM. I suspected that things would take a different turn and they did. During sorting we (approx 10 staff) were being glared at with hostility by a line manger. On return to prepare our deliveries, managers were stationed in and around us simply glaring, without speaking. We did not cut-off as no extra sorting that day, but others who have delivery issued were cajoled in working over there time by overbearing line managers. The DOM was postitioned near to where my colleague and I were working, watching us. She then came over to me and told me that I had triggered a stage 3 disciplinary (which can result in dismissal). I was totally shocked and said I didn’t understand why? I felt I was being persecuted. I ended up feeling anxious and close to tears and told her I thought that what was going on in the office was appalling and that she was responsible for using intimidation. I told her I’d had enough and left the office and I am now off with stress.

  12. Judith says:

    Dear Susan,

    Thanks for your story. It kind of reminds me of the kid who goes from parent to parent to get their own way, but lieing to one parent to get what they want.

    There are very strong bullying behaviors being demonstrated by your associate and the first thing I suggest is that you document everything that is said, when it’s said, who was present when it was said and any other information you can add to it. Having documentation is critical to prove to higher management that bullying and abuse is taking place and how often it’s taking place. The next thing you could try is to get your manager and his boss along with you, together for a discussion on how to handle these types of situations and basically go over how the chain of command is followed. Keep this meeting very professional, no emotion, just the truth and facts. Unfortunately there are too many cases of this type of bullying going on and until there is a law passed making it illegal and punishable by law or the organization makes their own policies and procedures concerning bullying and abuse, and follows them, this will always take place, I’m afraid. Keep in mind, none of this is your fault. I can’t stress that enough.

    Be well and feel free to come back and post more if you’d like. If you have success in dealing with this situation, please let others, and myself know how you did it. You just might save the life of someone else.

    Warmly,
    Judith

  13. Susan says:

    During a conversation between my male manager and myself, he tells me that “there’s no need to become emotional”!
    This statement… Made me angry, the more I thought about it!
    We were discussing why he overrid my decision about one of my associates who is also male. I told my manager, that he does not know the needs of my department (we are a specialy state licensed department) that he should have discussed things with me before approving what was already denied. That this person had lied to him to get what he wanted. I asked him how many times, has this person ever come to him for anything? This associate is a man who does not like to be questioned on something that he has done or not done. He talks trash about me, and his coworkers. He call others at the other locations and bad mouths us to them. People at the other locations as well as his coworkers are afraid of this man.
    I believe my associate is a bully! What can I do?

  14. Angie says:

    Bullied again by my job HR doing!? What do you thihk! I have worked for the City as a civilian for over 10 years, in the PD. I was Bullied the last three years by a couple of co-workers who claimed I said “YOU PEOPLE,” yet I was threatened to be “F***ed UP” and Slapped in the face by this woman. The Department I was in, PD, felt, “You People,” was the crime not her threats even though I never said those two words. I was also pregnant during this time, my co-workers made comments towards me like, “God has a name for children like yours!” All while in the presence of my supervisor. I was even told by one supervisor that he hated me and everyone hated me when he took me in a conference room to have a talk to me about another petty complaint. An Anti Bully advocate for the City came to my rescue and has been trying to help me out. She expressed to HR to know avail and the City Manager how hard this has taken a hit on me. HR moved me from the PD, placed me in their department and did a “fake” investigation on the officers who were bullying me. I was then transfer to a fitness facility where I checked in members I.D and placed them in a box, cleaned workout equipment, pass out basketballs and breakdown and put up chairs and my job is “Administrative.” The new supervisor they put me under was a known bully and had complaints against her in HR. During the first week i was there she belittled me called me slow and would constantly tap hard on my shoulder over and over and lean over me till my eyes fully met hers. I had to give her the attention she demanded or she would flip out. She bragged about one of her friends a part time employee who was employeed there at the same time i was getting my old job at the PD. Then she asked me about the bullying problems there which i didnt want to speak of. She continued to treat me poorly in front of others co-workers and patrons and i asked her politely after dismissing myself to the restroom one day if she would not do that to me that i didnt appretiate it. At this point it got worse. Later on in the week i got an urgent call from the hospital about my daughter, on voicemail, i freaked out. I started tearing up, i didnt know what was going on and i couldnt reach my family who was watching her or the hospital. Then two months later my aunt died of Cancer. Second on in a year. My mother called me at work to tell me. Three days go by, i am having a great day. I am heading to the restroom, i tell a coworker, my supervisor then desided to call my phone. Then radios me for my location. I tell her i am going to the restroom, she then tells me to call her when i get out. (which a sarcastic tone) I comply. I get out of the restroom and she tells me to come to her office. When i get in there she confront me out going to the restroom and stated that she was calling me and the phone was just ringing ringing ringing. (it wasnt) then she tells me the importance of answering the phone and that there is a night call button. Then she asked me if i was feeling ok. Then she tells me that she was informed that i had an incident the other day. I told her that I did have a headache one day last week. Which I think was the day she was quesetioning me about. Then she stated that if i was sick i need to excuse myself and then she started making fake barfing soundings. Then She stated that is there anything else wrong, we cant be having these meltdowns, meltdowns, meltdowns with you. And we seem to be having a lot of instances like that with you. At that point i felt it best to walk out. She was sarcastic and smiling from ear to ear. A while later she walks out and tells me she is going downtown and to let her know if anyone calls for her. I told her ok and I asked her if she would stop saying that i am having meltdown, meltdowns, meltdowns (especially in front of people or patrons) she said no…and i told her i didnt think it was a nice thing to say and she stated it was a lighter word for what it really was and then I told her it bothers me, I told you that the first time you said it. I told her nuclear plants have meltdowns not people, she stated yes they do and you do all the time, while smiling ear to ear and afirming her head up and down. I then said no they dont. At this point she screamed at me to “SHUT UP.” I was taken back i told her i will not and she then turned around walked away and stated ill talk to you later. The next thing i know i am getting a counseling letter with a huge fabricated story, she stated that she felt threatens that i told her to get out of my face…and the language she stated i used is sooooo street which is how she talks not me. And i have to go to a City doctor today to see if i am FIT FOR DUTY-EVALUATION….oh and here is the kicker….my supervisor sent me a threatening text message stating “Get out of the d*mn bathroom, get my water noww. open ur mouth agin to me n i’m gonna bust my fist in it.” Yet she is free and clear and I am being sent to be evaluate for “meltdowns” and she stated that oh i meant to send that text to someone else and the hire ups are telling me it was a mistake too. Which is BS. Any advice anyone…?? Im tired of being bullied & pushed out of a job, i am a single mother who does not deserve this….

  15. Ann says:

    I can feel your hurt and pain. I wish I had the words to help you through this.

  16. Ann says:

    Bullies are cowards at heart. They are the predators that seek out the weakest member of the herd and wait until that individual is alone and even more helpless.

    3 years ago I left my job, because two of my coworkers were throwing away papers and information that I had left for my boss. I would put it in the bosses’ In Box and within 20-30 minutes it was gone. This was particularily traumatic because the culprit was my sick stepdaughter. They eventually took my timesheets and it cost me my final paycheck. My boss never even asked about it because she was so busy covering for them having believed all of their lies and I really don’t know what all was said.

    This was a job I really loved and initially Pat had suggested that she would like me to be the nurse for the company to the end of it’s days. After I quit, I had surgery and was pretty much out of commission for the next 4 months, and because my stepdaughter was the culprit, I decided to let it drop. She did not drop anything though as she went on and on about what she perceived me to have done. My husband knew that she was lying – eventually.

    A couple of years later. Pat fired this stepdaughter – and asked me to come back. Since this was a position that I truly enjoyed I agreed to it.

    It has started up again. This time, the office manager, who can act like a great person when the boss is around is a total tyrant when she is not around. Most recently my husband’s mother died. The group sent the usual card. The next day another coworker’s mother died. The group sent the usual card. One week later, the office manager got everyone together and decided to send the coworker flowers – even asked for my share to pay for them – and totally disregarded my recent loss. I didn’t get any explanation, just the bill.

    My question is, given that my boss does not really know the full circumstances, should I let her know? I want to, but like before it might take her years to figure it out.

    By the by, this is a medical establishment in Minnesota, just an FYI, for those of you who think that medicine is so great in Minnesota. A rule of thumb here, is that Minnesota Nurses eat their young. Tragically I have seen some of the worst nurses ever produced are educated right here in Minnesota.

  17. D says:

    My supervisor told all the nurses that anyone who was educated in this country was stupid because she could recite the periodic table. The medical director asked my patients if they wanted a black nurse with me standing there. The chaplain told me that I needed to get with the program and change my religion. And the social worker who was from Somalia told me that I was a fat obnoxious Republican and white women don’t need to eat. I was the oldest and only white Catholic employee of this national hospice. I am a former military officer and I am but never told anyone I am a Republican.

  18. Mary says:

    I was verbally abused by a co-worker and called very vulgar names in the presence of other co-workers and this was done because I had done well in my job by securing some significant business for the company. I complained to my boss and requested a meeting with the employee and he very adamantly rejected my request to have a meeting with the employee to corroborate my complaint and to work things out. He also behaved very inappropriately with this employee in front of the staff and the same co-worker would spend hours in his office behind closed doors. After I complained to him about the continued verbal harassment by this employee, my boss began sending threatening and humiliating emails to me. The cyber bulling continued so much that it adversely affected my health. The harassment was so painful that I changed from being very confident and successful in my work to being fearful and depressed all the time. As my boss’s position was higher than that of the HR Manager, a complaint to HR would not be worthwhile so I quit my job. I had lots of documentation and written evidence acknowledging verbal and cyber bullying from my boss and co-worker, but the adverse effects to my health was not worth pursuing a law suit. Although leaving the job put a financial strain on my family, it turned my life around mentally and physically and it has brought a lot of sunshine to the lives of my family and me. We don’t have conversations of the bullying I suffered at work any more. For anyone who thinks that they can’t leave a workplace harassment situation because of economic reasons, please think of it like marriage where you are being physically abused and you have to put yourself first and get out. Websites like this one are a great outlet and make sure to tell everyone about the bully.

  19. Liz says:

    Thank you for validating what targets go through. I look forward to the day we aren’t blamed for our predicament. I’m being mobbed by a bully boss and co-worker. First, they made up lies about my performance to take away all of my duties except menial tasks. They have mocked, isolated, and restricted my access to tools I need for the job. I have been physically intimidated by them and my boss is now humiliating me by making me report to my co-workers when I use the bathroom. She is a snake who does her dirty work in secret and has “impression-managed” me behind my back to other staff to lead them to believe I am a problem employee. She hasn’t written me up; she’d rather harrass me to the point of quitting than fire me. I’ve hung on for years because I need the income and benefits. My confidence is at an all-time low. I seek out support in the self-help community only to be told I “allow the bully to get to me” or that I am doing something to trigger this behavior. These people haven’t been terrorized at work or else they were able to find new jobs before the situation deteriorated. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. I don’t want sympathy, I just want the “blame the victim” mentality to stop.

  20. E says:

    I work as an English teacher overseas. I started working at a private school along with another American woman and we both received cold-shoulder treatment from the other women in the department. Before our working there there were no Westerners/Americans working in that school. The other English teachers did not like us being there and we get the message everyday. The women are very vain and narcissistic. We get excluded from conversations, receive silent-treatments, get passed over and are always the last ones to know anything. The biggest irritant is not having timely and helpful information. The other American teacher complained about not being notified about changes in her classes, but to no avail. They also get together and do things outside of work and don’t invite us, but then they take pictures of it and include it in school videos and present it at the end of the year in their presentations. Or a teacher will interview all the teachers on some subject and make a comedy video about it for the end of the school year and when all watches it we realize that we weren’t included in the school-staff camaraderie. If I join in a conversation between two of the teachers I’m ignored. I ask a lot of questions and get a “I don’t know,” response. No one ever seems to know anything. When I complained that the books for the students were not suited to their level I got instant negative responses from my coworkers and and implication that I didn’t know what I was talking about. It’s difficult because the head of the department is in all of this too. The women act like wannabee beauty queens and so preoccupied with their physical appearance that it makes one working there feel like they are stuck in the movie: Clueless, or in high school with all the prom queens. They are always trying to one-up each other on their dress (which is really inappropriate for school), shoes, accessories. The other American said it’s a way for them to imtimidate women. Anyways, I really dislike the unprofessionalism and the cold-shoulders and delay or lack of pertinent information. I was ready to quit last year, but my husband talked me into finishing my contract and enduring. I resigned this year reluctantly because I don’t want to have to start the job search all over again and I get paid well and like my schedule. But, I fear I may have to find another position because I don’t like being ignored soley on the basis of my being an American. I’ve worked overseas before and never had this kind of experience in my life. Actually, I never even encountered any mobbing or bullying in the workplace in America.

  21. Judith says:

    Baffled in Buffalo,

    In order for bad treatment to be considered bullying or mobbing, the treatment normally lasts for a long period of time, say weeks or months and the outcome of that treatment or abuse causes physical, psychological and emotional trauma to the victim. The victim ends up with illnesses such as ulcers, anxiety attacks over going to meetings or going to work where they know they will have to deal with the bully. This treatment can come from a boss, supervisor or a co-worker.

    If you know this person fairly well and this is new behavior for them, chances are it’s not bullying. My guess would be that there is a problem at home, or upper management is putting pressure on this person. You might want to quietly let this person know that you care and are willing to listen.

    Good luck and God Bless

  22. Baffled In Buffalo says:

    When can you tell if what you are experiencing is bullying or just someone having a bad day? I’m not sure and today I was being yelled at by my normally mellow boss. I was really taken back by his behavior towards me.

    I look forward to your answer

    Baffled in Buffalo

  23. Mary says:

    I work as a teacher and I was accused of slapping a child. Nobody called me and asked me. The principal called the district police and started the investigation. There was a video about it and it did not show any abuse from me to a child. I was cleared of the accusation because the mother did not press charges. When I was asked to write a statement I wrote down I did not touch the child because I wanted to be over. They saw the video and established that I touched the child and I received a memo with copy to HR that I was an untruthful person because I touched the child and it showed in the video. The mother later told me that indeed I touched her child on his shoulders to call his attention. That was one of the incidents. The other was that I talked to parents about their child having poor hygiene and to help me with this matter. The principal was interested in how the parents felt and it was irrelevant whatever I had to say. Again I receive another memo saying that my comments were negative and to refrain of calling parents if it the calls did not have a positive reinforcement.

  24. Stew says:

    I worked as an Engineer for a larger instrumentation company for about 10 years.
    For the first 8 years, things were great: worked for nice, very competent people and loved the work. As an engineer, it is important to be able to interchange ideas and suggest the use of technology – all of which I was able to do. They rewarded me well, with recognition, promotions, increases in pay and bonuses.

    Towards the end of my career there, there seemed to be a shift to get some of the engineering work done in Singapore. One of my projects was managed by a Singapore manager.
    Quickly it became clear that the people there had limited experience and the stuff designed there simply showed it as it did not not work.
    Acting in the interest of the company, I suggested that their people should just visit us in the US for a while. We could train them, help them appreciate some of the finer points of these designs.
    That was the start of nastiness: I was told there was nothing wrong with their skill set and those people were promptly promoted – some to levels equal to my level.
    Unfortunately, their design issues caused serious problems in product performance. The proof is in the pudding – if it systemically does not work, it needs to be redesigned. I was told to keep quiet about it. “It was reviewed by experts and I wasn’t one”, is what they said.
    Of course, how do you design around problems the size of mountains? To this day, that project is not on the market because of the very issues pointed out.

    Slowly but surely, they stopped inviting me to project meetings.
    I wouldn’t get emails that they yet said they had sent, they’d give me tasks that were simply not my job and would expect them to be done within hours of them getting into my inbox.
    My designs were questioned, even after I had gone out of my way to document and describe it. None were every proven inadequate. They’d say that I wasn’t documenting anything, something totally to the contrary. They’d whisper to others that our delivery date couldn’t be made because of problems in my design – yet, when I got wind of the rumor, they could never point out anything concrete that was actually at fault. Specifications and expectations were deliberately vague and never put in writing.
    To them known information was held back and pulled out of a hat when convenient, often in public.

    After a while of this, I decided to do something ‘not so nice’, actually something quite illegal: one of the perpetrators of this would often check his email on a public PC in one of our labs, one under my control. I made the system log his sessions so I was able to read his emails to and from the people that seemed to always do the accusing Hey, I’m an engineer – stuff like that comes natural – sue me.
    (Actually, don’t sue me. That’s why I’m not using my real name.)

    It was interesting to read their jokes about me, them talking about the bad skill sets of other team players, second guessing decisions, their plots to keep faults quiet, discussions as to who deserves ‘project shirts’, etc – really petty stuff.
    One particular email from the boss in Singapore stood out as it suggested they ‘document my behavior’. They were getting organized so I knew to be on the lookout for a reprimand of sorts and to start looking for another job.
    Around December of that year, I had to have surgery to remove a possible cancer in my throat so opted to do get it done before Christmas and recover up into new year since I had two weeks vacation.
    They saw me taking two weeks ‘vacation’ as a big negative but I assured everyone that I’d be available to help where needed by means of email. They knew I was going for surgery and some knew what the surgery was for. Sure, it was my ‘vacation’ but you do what it takes to get something to work. The day after my operation, I was using email to get involved with issues, making suggestions, asking questions — all things you’d to as a team member.
    My emails were ignored, not acknowledged and they were privately making fun of my ‘long winded’ explanations (still reading over their shoulder).
    When I returned back to work, nobody even asked about how I was feeling, whether I was okay, the surgery – nothing.

    Two weeks after returning, I was called into a room. The manager tossed a paper across the table and said “I want you to read this, sign it and return it..”.
    I read the top half. It was clear that it was a reprimand, totally fabricated by innuendo and half truths – so I tossed it back across the table and said “I don’t need to sign it because I quit”. I had already lined another job up and really was just waiting for the surgery to be over.

    All hell broke loose because they didn’t really want to lose me and even tried to get me to stay.

    Sorry about the long story but to this day that whole episode affects me. There’s not a day that goes by without thinking about it.
    My work was solid, was usually willing to help anyone with their design problems, held presentations on different technologies, tried to keep anyone informed. I’m not necessarily a ‘people’s person’ in that I don’t pussyfoot around but just say what I think – but I don’t think I’m a ball buster or obnoxious. Lots of people there are what I would consider ‘work friends’ and still meet them for lunch occasionally. Lots of people came to my going away lunch. People tend to like me, respect the work done. Why did they try to nail me to the cross like that??

    The wondering about the cause is what made this whole thing difficult for me.
    I doubted my skills and abilities. For quite a while, I thought it was me that caused the issue. It still absorbs my thoughts – and some are not kind thoughts towards those managers. Not understanding the cause for this would have probably drove me crazy eventually.
    This whole mobbing behavior was new to me until just the other day and it has been eye opening.
    It really should be made more public as it must be fairly prevalent in the work place.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.